


number eight.

by clczu



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Bucket List, College, Dark Comedy, F/M, Fluff and Angst, High School, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Romance, Teenagers, Trauma, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:34:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clczu/pseuds/clczu
Summary: 10 years. 1 List. 8 Items. A Secret.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

_Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. - Mahatma Gandhi._

"I swear to god Taylor, if you don't stop moaning every fucking time you move boxes...I'll end you."

"I'd like to see you try, plus... you like it."

You'd think this banter would be abnormal, however when you're dealing with the Oaks brothers...this is nothing new. Roman and Taylor Oaks were fiesty brothers. Constantly bickering between one another, and often bordering just straight up bullying one another. "There is nothing I like about you." Roman retorts to his brother, earning him an smack to the back of his head. Even though they were constantly at each others necks, there was still that brotherly love there. There had to be, honestly. After growing up in the house they did...they deserved some sort of relief in each other.

The reason the two were together was because of Roman. After 20 long years of toxicity he was finally able to free himself and find his own place. It wasn't anything too flashy...nothing extraordinary. In fact, in Roman's opinion it was the worst of the options. It was just what he could afford. It fit what he needed: small bedroom furniture, a small desk setup for his soon-to-come college indeavors, and simple living room furniture for some sort of comfort. Even if there was only a the neccesities it felt like the mountains of boxes never stopped.

Roman had asked his lovely brother for help moving the amount of boxes he had acculmated. It was nice having the comedic relief of his brother making questionable sounds while moving cardboard. "You know, baby brother...you wouldn't know what to do without me." Taylor lazily put things from boxes into kitchen cabinets. "I'm basically the father you never had, nor asked for." The slight sting of Taylor's comment made Roman cringe.

The two of them continue placing things out of boxes and into their desired places. It takes a couple hours for them to finish and Roman waves Taylor goodbye from his window. There were still a couple boxes of things that had no place yet in the small apartment, but Roman finds himself angrily tapping his finger against the wooden desk he had placed earlier that day. Everything about this place was nice, that was if you didn't count the club-like music _blasting_ from what felt like every apartment surrounding his. 

How in the world was he supposed to study for his upcoming classes..? Frustratingly tapping fingers against a cheap laptop keyboard, Roman attempted to drown out the music with his own. It worked for a little bit, that was until a large crash came from the apartment that was above him.

 _Probably a table, that's what it sounded like..._ It took everything now to cower at the sound, it had brought him back to the constant loud noises in his previous home. He thought -- keyword _thought_ \-- that he had escaped those noises when he moved out. He apparently was wrong.

Everytime his eyes glanced at the clock, an hour had passed. He was barely productive, after two hours he had finished 3 of his 12 prerequisite assignments. He had to get things done. He was lucky that he had even gotten into this university...there was no chance he was going to be able to let himself fail. The clock eventually hit midnight, then one in the morning, then two. _'I have to sleep, I can finish these tomorrow. Classes don't start for another two days.'_ Romans head was spiraling at this point. He needed some sleep.

At this point the music had become background noise, whether that was because he was used to it, or it had gotten softer was beyond his thinking. He was able to force himself to shower, and ready himself for bed. Tomorrow was a new day, and he had to make the most of it.

\---

Awoken by his blaring alarm, Roman struggled to find excuses to stay in bed. It was comfortable, and most importantly warm. Maybe moving in the colder months of the year wasn't the best idea. Either way, he finally got himself out of his warm blanket coccoon that he had previously slept in. 

First on his to-do list was breakfast, which was settled shortly after a bowl of cereal was prepared with what little he had stored in his fridge. _Grocery shopping...need to do that.._ Roman's brain was already tallying things that needed to be done for more comfort in this dull apartment. The list was going to be long. For sure. A short buzz in Roman's pocket caught his attention. It couldn't be Taylor texting him the early. It would be a miracle to see him awake before noon or later.

He was shocked to see a message from his mother spread across his phone screen.

_Mom: Hope you settled in alright. The house is different without you. Call me if you need anything at all. Love you._

He wanted to laugh. Wanted to immediately send it to Taylor for them both to laugh at later. Roman's mother never really spoke to him unless she wanted something...so seeing a message that seemed so unprovoked was almost amusing. Instead of feeling thankful, he was immediately wondering what exactly she needed already. He'd only been out of the house not even 48 hours. Although he wanted to reply with something else, he simply responded with a ' _Thanks, love you too._ ' He didn't want any drama, not now.

Did he still screenshot and send it to Taylor? Of fucking course he did.

They're family dynamic was always...interesting to say the least. Living in a household with a father who's name was basically unheard of...along with a Mother who continuously blamed her children for things she had wronged. It ruins your mental state, he can say that. It was normal for their mother to leave for days at a time, sometimes leaving a note if she felt particularly nice. Other times they would have to worry about where she'd gone off too until she returned a few days later without explanation.

It was normal, well...it was _their_ normal. Things would break, often times because of arguments started between Taylor and their mother. Taylor was always the one who tried to keep the two of them safe. He had taken the role of father, whether he liked it or not. Being the oldest had it's responsibilities. Especially when your parents were barely able to take care of themselves, let alone their children. He had done a good job, Roman had thought. He graduated high school and immediately found work at family owned restaurant. Working long hours, and then coming home to continue more work honestly. He had always looked up to Taylor, still does too.

After an hour or two of leisure, Roman decided it was time to try to do some studying. You would think that althought it was eleven in the morning that the music that was blasting yesterday would be gone. However, you would be wrong. Although it was definitely quieter, it was still there and bothersome.

Luckily, an idea struck him as he thought of things to do about it. He remembered on his way here there was a decent sized park with a few gazebos placed around the playground equipment. It seemed relaxed there, and Roman definitely preferred the sounds of little kids playing on a playground over bass-boosted clubbing music.

It took a couple minutes to pack things into his backpack, but before too long he was on his way to the park. It was around a ten minute walk from his apartment building. It was pretty barren, seperate from a couple teenagers sprawled across the equipment speaking in curses and jokes. They seemed close to his age, maybe high schoolers? He walked past them towards a smaller hut with two picnic tables and a small lightbulb inside. They exchanged glances, and small smiles. Sitting himself down at one of the picnic tables he plugged his things in and began working on more of his prerequisite works.

He was still in earshot of the teens, hearing small fragments of sentences...things like: 'Never seen him before...', or 'gives off cute nerd vibes..'. That one made him chuckle to himself. He focused himself on typing things into blank spaces, or filling out questions. 

This was definitely much better than his apartment annoyance. His mind continued wandering back to the group of teenagers. There was five of them. Two guys, and three girls. Both guys were pretty stereotypical high school guys. Short messy hair, one blonde, one dyed a deep red color. Both of which wearing baggy hoodies in matching grey color and either sweatpants or other athletic wear. The girls on the other had were more eclectic. The first one was a bleached blonde girl, dressed in a flowerly top and light washed jeans. Another one was almost matching the red-haired guy. Her hair was a similar red color however it was definitely more faded. She wore a definitely-too-large dark grey sweatshirt, paired with black elastic leggings. The last girl caught his attention the most, however.

Her hair was a red-toned brown, and he had caught her eyes being a deep dark chestnut color. Her skin was light, dotted with freckles along what he saw of her arms, chest, legs, and face. She wore a white shirt paired with a larger brown-beige cardigan, along with black jeans that had small rips in them. She was definitely pretty.

It was actually pretty amusing. Every time Roman had taken a second to look up, their eyes met. The first time, it made him flush. However the second, third, and fourth time it started to make him earn a smile. Maybe he could find himself a few new friends. That would definitely be helpful in a new town.

Eventually, he'll get the courage to speak to them. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

_Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.. - Helen Keller_

Apparently it takes about a month to get settled into a new place. It's been exactly 5 weeks since Roman had moved into this apartment, and he finds new things to detest every new day. First, it was the neighbors. They were incredibly loud, and frankly disrespectful to the other people in the building. Over the time he had met a few of the people on the same floor as him. He'd found himself close to a single mom by the name of Ryleigh. She was 29 years old and lived across the hallway from him. She too, just like him, had found herself hating the neighbors that bordered them.

Roman liked spending time with Ryleigh, she was a breath of fresh air compared to the other people that he had dealt with before. She was sweet, caring, and always willing to help him out whenever he needed it. The times that he couldn't neccesarily afford to get groceries that week, she'd offer to make him dinners. There was a mutual respect there, and sometimes Roman would even go over to babysit Ryleigh's 2 year old son. His name was Alex, and he was a bundle of energy. Sometimes, honestly quite tiring to be around. Overall the both of them were nice to be around. Even Taylor had grown fond of the two of them.

It was another casual afternoon. Roman found himself back at his little gazebo-hut in the park. He was once again within earshot of his...friends? He didn't know exactly what they were, but the group of teenagers he had met initially were now people that he could occaisionally talk to. He'd learned all their names. There was Cameron, the blonde who Roman was pretty sure was a stoner. Noah, the red headed guy who intimidated Roman more than he'd like to admit. Faith, the other red headed girl who was found out to be dating Noah. Two red heads united? Sure. Izzie, short for Izabel, was the bleached blonde girl who seemed to always be wearing some sort of floral. Finally, Avery. Avery Calloy. Yes, Roman made note of her first and last name.

He'd already seemed to notice her more than the other four, however once he finally spoke to her...you might have called him whipped. She was very energetic, chaotic...if you will. Constantly making jokes, both at herself and the people around her. There was always a smile on her face, and Roman adored it. Yeah, he was definitely whipped for her.

He'd come to know that they were all 18 year old seniors at the towns local high school. Some of them planning on going to college, while the others were daydreaming about the jobs they're shooting for after they graduate.

Roman caught himself catching Avery's gaze for the fourth time that afternoon, giving her the usual smile that he did before returning to his studies. Journalism was proving to be definitely more boring that he had originally thought. At least the general education classes weren't his cup of tea. He overhears the crunching of the dry leaves on the ground and feels the sudden plop of Avery's body across from his at his table.

"Eventually we need to stop eye-fucking each other and talk, you know." Avery's voice was just a blunt as her personality. Roman's eyes widen and he laughs off his flusteredness.

He clears his throat and sets his chin on his fist. "Maybe I enjoy the tension." He replies, watching her roll her eyes at his comment. "I just don't want to interrupt, I'm just here doing schoolwork. Aren't I invading your shit?" His second try at explaining went hopefully a little better as she sighs.

"Well," she starts. "Last time I checked, this was a public park. Also...we're the ones being loud. Noah never shuts up. You probably knew that already, though." Her smile spreads across her face again as she hears Noah's agitated voice curse at her from a bit away. Roman finds himself laughing again. He enjoys their energy, not just Avery's...the whole groups. He's never had a friend group like that, he's glad they at least don't dislike him.

Slim hands slide over the table to shut Roman's laptop in front of him. "Hey! I didn't save.." His voice sounded mainly playful, he honestly didn't care that the work didn't save completely. "What are you doing?" He questions the girl across from him.

"Come sit with us."

The request, no, _demand_ , hangs in the air. They've spoken a couple times, made jokes casually. They'd never really officially had a full conversation before. Maybe it was his nervousness, maybe it was his anxiety. Probably a mixture of the two. "Are you sure?" His voice is curious and it pulls an almost embarrassing laugh from Avery. "Of course I'm sure, you idiot." She responds grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the group.

She begins with introductions, although they all basically knew of each other at this point. Casual 'heys' went around the circle before Avery shoved Izzie over to return to her usual spot. Roman found a small section on the playgroup equipment and placed his things down before sitting as well. "You look like you're terrified of us. We don't bite." Cameron winks at the black haired man next to him now. "Well, not unless you ask."

The comment earns him a smack on the back of his head from Izzie. "Keep your kinks to yourself, I beg you."

"You like it."

"I hate you."

This dynamic felt weirdly comfortable. After a couple minutes of slightly awkward questions the conversation finds its way to Roman's studies. "I study general Journalism. I always kinda wanted to be a writer, like a travelling writer. It's not super interesting." His voice trails off, and he gets a few compliments on how apparently cool that sounded. It really wasn't neccesarily what Roman wanted to do. It's just what he was good at. It was something that got him away from his normal family as well.

"College sounds fun, but you know what's more fun? Not being a depressed student." Faith chuckles at her own joke. She wasn't all wrong though. Roman's life basically revolved around classes. That and the lovely need to survive casually sprinkled in there too. "You're not wrong.." Roman replies to her, chuckling along with her. "What are you all planning on doing anyways?"

It takes a few seconds before somone responds. Noah is first. "I've got this plan of going to an art school. I don't know for what yet, but I guess that's what sounds cool." Everyone nods along, looking to the next person to speak which happens to be Cameron. "McDonald's." Nobody was really surprised. It was Cameron.

"That's if McDonald's hires potheads." Faith pokes at Cameron with her foot. "Anyways, a not some dumb thing. I think I wanna just leave this city. I'm tired of the people here, and the shit here. So...I'll get the fuck out of here. That's the plan."

It struck Roman. Maybe in the scheme of things he wasn't the only fucked up one in this group. It made him feel calmer. It wasn't said out loud, but there was this air of acceptance...no matter what you grew up with, what you go home to, what you do. It was just, be yourself. Don't apologize for it.

After everyone finishes speaking, Roman looks to the one person who hadn't said anything. Avery.

"What about you?" He asks, catching her eyes. "You haven't said anything.."

A few sighs come from the others before she begins speaking. "You're gonna think it's dumb.." For once she sounded insecure. That didn't happen very often for a girl like her.

"Try me." Roman says without even thinking. Maybe the tone was a little too blunt, because it almost causes Avery to flinch.

She ruffles her hair from one side of her head to the other. She takes in a deep breath and then begins. "I have this list. I guess it's like a bucket list. Things I wanna do before I turn 25. It's a long story, but there are things on there I wanna do before then."

It was quiet for a second, everyone pretty much waiting for Roman to speak back to her. Seemed like everyone knew about this list except for him. Obviously, he barely knew the group compared to the rest of the friendships there. "25? Why so specific?" The question must have struck a nerve as it earned him a look of almost bittersweetness.

"It's stupid, don't worry about it."

It's funny how people say that. They expect people not to think about why, after such a cryptic answer. Of course there was a reason, and Roman honestly doubted that it was as stupid as Avery was making it out to be. Although, because this was a new friendship...he nodded and left the topic die there.

Their conversation continues for a while before the sun begins to fall behind the horizon and the sky turns a more dark blue color. People started to stand up and leave. First Izzie, then Faith and Noah together. Then Cameron left shortly afterwards. Roman and Avery left alone on the playground equipment. They kept small talk for a while before he caught Avery's yawning. 

"We should probably head back." Both of them nod in agreement, and stand up. Dusting themselves off with dust and dirt before Avery grabs hold of his hand and Roman feels a small scrawl of pen written on the his right wrist. "My number." Avery says softly, returning his arm to the man. "I usually am on my phone..well..maybe 24/7. So if you want to talk or hang out...let me know."

Roman watches as Avery grabs her bag and walks off without another word, just a short wave.

It took everything in him to not text her that night.

Yeah, he was whipped.

\---

Over the course of the next few weeks, things went well between the group of now six. They continued to hang out whenever they could, even if Roman's schedule really kept him busy. It was nice when they spent time together, he even started telling Taylor and Ryleigh about Avery. Both of them continued to make fun of him being completely whipped for her, but there was no denying it at this point.

The one thing that continued to plague his mind, no matter how hard he kept trying to ignore it.

That list. The list that Avery continued to talk about whenever they spoke about their future. It was intruiging. He had learned that there were 8 things. However he still had yet to find out what those 8 things were. He'd tried to bring up in conversation, but it's hard when he doesn't want to be creepy about it. It's hard to be creepy without just asking...' _Hey what are your dreams and goals, I'm just curious...hehe...yeah.'_ Definitely not creepy, huh? 

He had this urge to help her. It was endearing the fact that she was so determined to do the things that she had written. He was still curious as to what exactly she wanted to do, but that is another question for another day. Either way, he wanted to be of help to her.

Texting her wouldn't hurt, right? Roman hesitated, but eventually typed out a message he hoped could get the message across.

_Roman: hey, i hope you don't take this the wrong way..but i keep thinking about you and that bucket list of yours. i wanna help out. you know. like help you cross some stuff off your list._

A couple minutes passed, and he flinched when he heard his phone go off.

_Avery: aww cute_

_Avery: you know u don't have to right?_

_Roman: i know, but i want to._

_Avery: i never even told u what was on it did i?_

It was true, she had never said what exactly was on her list. It was always something that was glazes over in conversation. Roman wondered if any of the others in the group knew what was on the list, or if he was going to be the only one.

_Roman: no, but you don't have to...just offering._

_Avery: its ok! its nice that u wanna help me lmao_

_Roman: i'm literally just trying to be a good friend haha_

_Avery: its cute no worries_

_Avery: i'll send u the list gimme a sec_

Well that was easy. Maybe they were closer than he had thought, but he was sure he was going to be turned down. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like maybe there wasn't things on the list that were going to be that hard. Maybe they were all easy. Who knows.

_Avery: ooo i have an idea_

_Roman: i'm terrified_

_Avery: lmao shut up_

_Avery: instead of me giving u the whole list i'll just tell u one by one_

_Roman: that's fine haha u had me scared for a second_

Maybe they weren't as easy as he had originally thought.

_Avery: the first ones easy. graduate highschool_

_Roman: easy? have u heard ur grades?_

_Avery: wow i didn't know it was 'lets be an ass' day._

_Roman: you love me_

_Avery: not anymore_

Roman found himself chuckling at their conversation, completely unfocused on the show that was playing beforehand on the TV in front of him. It was great though. He was definitely going to help her. Plus, it would mean more time spent with her...which he wasn't going to complain about.

_Roman: ok..ok.. graduate. we can do that._

_Avery: u gonna roleplay as my teacher or somethin?_

_Roman: wow didn't know you were into authority_

_Avery: goodnight roman_

_Roman: so..._

_Roman: is that a yes?_

_Avery: GOODNIGHT._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suppport me here!  
> twitter.com/akiranova_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda boring,, not gonna lie. but next chapter is spoicy.

_When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love..._ _\- Marcus Aurelius_

Remember when it was said that helping Avery graduate was going to be easy? Well, that was an overstatement, to say the least. Some would say a waste of time. Over the course of a few weeks both Roman and Avery had spent a... decent amount of time together. Which basically means they were together whenever they weren't doing their other things. If they weren't at school, work, or Avery was forced to be with family... they were together. Normal, right? Seems normal.

Even though they spent all this time together, to say her grades were suffering was a joke. Just like a lot of other nights they were both sat cross-legged across from each other at Roman's coffee table. Avery with her head in her hands while Roman crosses certain questions off on a mock-test. "Better, you got 24 out of 50 this time." Her expression lightened, even though that meant she had gotten a D as her final grade. In all honesty, it was still better than her usual F or 0% for not turning something in. This was... progress.

"It's almost finals time, I have no idea how I'm going to graduate with this." Her comment was backed up with the truth. It was nearly finals time, it was only two or three weeks away. With the way things were looking, it might prove to be a bit difficult. "I shouldn't have asked you to help with this."

Roman scoffed, pushing the paper back towards her. "I offered if I remember correctly."

There were things Avery was good at, and then there was History. This test was proof that there was basically no hope for her to suddenly get better. This was the third test that they'd done today. There was an improvement, sure. It was unsure if it was a passable improvement, though.

"One more time," Avery asked, reaching her hand out for another test. "I want to see if I can get at least 30." Begrudgingly, Roman handed her another slip of paper. This one was the hardest of the mock-tests he had created. He didn't say that, though. He was curious to see what she could do.

About 15 minutes passed with silence between the two. Roman watched over Avery's careful movements, finding adoration in the way that she absentmindedly chewed at the eraser of her pencil. It was cute. There were a few things he found himself liking about how Avery acted without thinking. Sometimes she would pick at the strings of her cardigan. Other times she would play with the ring she always had on her middle finger of her left hand. He found himself smiling at the thoughts.

"Eye-fucking.." Avery said simply, without taking her eyes off her paper. This wasn't the first time he had been caught paying a little too much attention to her actions. Every time he would be seen, those somewhat cringey words were spoken. Throwing a rolled-up piece of paper towards the girl in front of him earned a small chuckle from the both of them.

After another minute or two, the paper was passed back to Roman and grading began. At first, it was like grading any of the other tests. Then, he noticed differences. He was not crossing anything off like he was before. Every question was answered correctly. "Avery." He hesitated to bring it up. Was she just surprisingly smart when it came to these questions? "You, uh, got 50 out of 50."

She smiled immediately, and without hesitating plopped her phone down onto the table in between them. "My theory will work, then." Roman groaned. _She was cheating, that whole time._ "If you couldn't catch me, then my blind as fuck teacher absolutely can't."

"It's not good to cheat." As if that was needed to be said. Of course, it wasn't good to cheat. He didn't think that him saying that, would stop her though. "They're going to know you're cheating anyway. How could you go from a 50% average to 100% overnight?" Maybe they wouldn't notice, but he didn't want to chance it for her.

The room was quiet for a minute, with both of the two thinking the situation through. "If I start getting better now, they won't suspect anything."

That was a thought. If she were to start getting better now, then they wouldn't have anything to look for if she did get 100% on the final test. Wait. What was he thinking? Being an accomplice to someone cheating their way through their finals. "I still just don't think this is the best way to do things." Avery sighed and put her phone away.

"I don't know if I have another choice, do I?"

Another minute of thinking.

"Fine, just...don't get caught."

"I never do!"

Well, that was incriminating.

\---

Finals week. Not only for Avery but for Roman as well. Their plan, well Avery's plan, was going well. Ever since they'd spoken about it she had continued to get higher and higher grades in her History class. This was the week that made it all worth it. As Roman made his way to his campus from his apartment, he typed quick messages to Avery.

_Roman: hey! wanted to show my support and say don't fuck this up <3_

_Avery: so supportive omg_

_Roman: you're welcome_

_Avery: remind me to ask you something later_

_Roman:_ _I'm scared again_

_Avery: am i rlly that intimidating_

_Roman: very_

_Avery: ill text u later BYEE_

Classes went well, they went by quickly. Roman was sure that he had gotten decent grades. He wasn't the worst student, he wasn't the greatest either. Once things were over he found himself back at the park with Noah, Izzie, Faith, and Avery. Cameron of course had to work. Ew. It was nice, to joke about how bad testing was.

Avery was proud of herself after not being caught in both of her finals that day. Neither of them was History, that was of course the last final she had that week. "I swear all of my teachers are blind. I could've probably put my phone on my desk and wrote the answers on the board and they wouldn't have noticed." The laughs followed while Roman cringed. He still wasn't happy that he was a wingman when it came to Avery's cheating. He _was_ glad on the other hand that she was on the safer side of passing.

"Now that there's no more studying that's gonna happen, how are you two lovers gonna hang out?" Izzie, as nosy as she was, insisted on pushing Avery and Roman together. Secretly she was just as hopeful for a relationship there as Roman was. Both of them were simps. Through and through. Avery laughed wrapping a loose arm around Roman's shoulders.

His eyes rolled and slapped at the hand now laying on his shoulder. "We aren't lovers, and I'm sure we'll hang out anyway." Avery's words for some reason stung a little bit. Maybe it was the way they sounded or the lack of humor behind it. Roman knew that there was a possibility that Avery didn't feel the same. There were just moments that made it feel like they both felt something. The times they were jokingly flirt with one another in conversation, the touchy-ness that they both were guilty of. He thought that maybe there was something in there that made it be something both ways. Maybe he was wrong.

He didn't want to be wrong.

The awkward atmosphere definitely set in, as Avery removed her arm from around his shoulders and sat further away than she before. "Awkward.." Noah cringed. Roman didn't know what exactly to say. He didn't want to say he felt something for Avery. They were just friends in her eyes, probably. How could he force the way he felt onto her? He couldn't.

"I'm gonna go," He blurted, slowly gathering his things. There wasn't much more to the conversation, other than some simple and quick goodbyes. It was an awkward encounter, to say the least. His walk home was filled with intrusive thoughts about how he shouldn't have left. How he should speak up and commented as Avery did. He didn't.

As if the universe was _truthfully_ on his side, he felt small patters of rain coming down around him on his way home. Rain. Lovely. He felt his phone in his pocket go off multiple times, but he didn't have the heart to check it. All he wanted to do was get home, and honestly talk to someone about it. Other than Avery, herself. Whether that person is Taylor or Ryleigh. He wanted to talk to _someone._ It took what felt like a long time to get home this time.

It was as if they knew because, on cue, Taylor and Ryleigh were found sitting on Roman's couch as he opened the door. "Should I ask why you're soaking wet?" Taylor questioned, gesturing to Roman's figure.

"It's raining." Roman's voice was short and curt. He had lost the energy to be polite.

"No shit sherlock, what's wrong?"

Although he was fine a second ago, it was like that question alone had unstrung the knots holding back his emotions. He tried his best not to cry, but his mouth held back nothing. Everything was said. From the moment he had met Avery, to the feels that had bubbled up along the way. It was like all of his thoughts were just being spewed into the conversation. All of the events that led up to this, including the stinging sentence that had happened only 30 minutes ago. His voice was shaky, and he was out of breath at the end of everything.

"Wow." Both Taylor and Ryleigh said in unison. It took a second for them to actually respond, but when they did it was the same sentence. "Check your phone, dumbass."

He had forgotten about it, other than the fact that it had somehow come out during the conversation. He had no want to really know what she'd said. Whether it was his own (honestly fragile..) feelings or his pride. Hesitantly, he checked his phone. He had nearly 15 missed messages.

_Avery: did u leave because of me?_

_Avery: im sorry_

_Avery: i didnt mean to hurt ur feelings_

_Avery: can we talk?_

_Avery: are u mad?_

_Avery: text me when u can._

"She said she was...sorry? She wants to know if I'm mad, and told me to text her."

In unison, both the other people replied. "Then _do_ it."

After an hour of speaking it out between the three of them, it was settled. Roman needed to suck it up and talk to Avery about how things were. Even if he wasn't necessarily a fan of that plan, it probably was for the best.

He tapped at the keyboard on his phone for a minute, trying to write a simple message. This wasn't something that was to be talked about over text.

_Roman: can we meet up tomorrow? u don't have finals right? we should talk probably._

_Avery: i can come over around 2. i agree._

_Roman: see you then_

Boy, this was going to eventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> support me here!  
> twitter.com/akiranova_


	4. Chapter 4

_The future starts today, not tomorrow. - Pope John Paul II_

The air was particularly cold the morning after the... _incident?_ Was that even the right word? The air was thick. It felt hard to breathe. There was something wrong about today. Roman couldn't exactly put his finger on it, but it was odd for sure.

He had an hour or two before Avery was expected over. He had time to prepare. He was used to being nervous around her, but this wasn't even nervousness. This was complete anxiety. It was a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Roman attempted to eat something, but even after one bite, his stomach was churning. Next, he tried showering, hoping that maybe the water would...wash off the stress. Spoiler alert, it didn't. His eyes darted from the TV screen to his phone clock. The time went from an hour and a half to 15 minutes. His phone chirped from his hand.

_Avery: on my way :)_

Roman's stomach continued to turn, he wanted to throw up. Why was he so nervous? The worst thing that could happen is he gets rejected. Well, yeah. That really is the _worst_ thing that could happen. He'd never taken rejection too well. Even though this wouldn't be his first time of rejection, it would be the first for this kind. He'd never really had _felt_ like this before. He'd had crushes before, silly things that would end in a couple of weeks. This had been months. Almost 6 months of this. This is gonna be...eventful.

It wasn't long before the knocking on the door came. For a second, Roman just wanted to let the noise pass and act as if he didn't hear it. Even if that's what he wanted, his legs brought him to the door and carefully opened it. There stood Avery, normal bag in one hand, but also a small gift in the other. They stood there wordlessly for probably a minute until Avery cleared her throat and shuffled on her feet. "Can I come in?' She spoke quietly.

Roman moved to the side, gesturing for her to come inside. They found the both of themselves sat across from each other, in another set of awkward silence. Avery pushed the giftbox towards him. "I brought this for you." Her voice was still shaky. Roman carefully picked up the box, unwrapping it. Inside was a small bracelet. It looks handmade. It was made from woven leather or fake leather. One of the two. It was nice, but it felt weird. Especially considering the situation. "I was planning on giving it to you once finals were over. As a thank you for helping me study. It just made sense...I guess it's an apology gift now."

It was a bittersweet feeling, putting the bracelet on. It was nice, knowing that she was thanking him. Honestly, it wasn't something that she should be thankful for. It was what friends do, right? Maybe that was the problem. In Roman's mind, they were something else. A weird limbo between friends and something more. A small thanks were spoken, and the silence continued. After a small moment, Roman blurted his thoughts.

"We need to talk about all this. We can't just sit here." Maybe his words were a little bit too sharp. Causing a surprised look to come across Avery's face. She'd never heard that tone from Roman before, he was sure of it. He tried his best to keep his voice quieter, softer than he usually spoke. He softened his voice, before speaking again. "Listen, I'm sorry. I just... I don't know how to talk about this."

The air was thick again. She spoke next. "I guess I need to talk first. Get it over with." _Uh oh._ That didn't sound good. At all. "I can't... do this. Not right now." That struck a nerve.

"Do what?" Roman knew exactly what without having to ask that question. However, closure was needed. Even if he had prepared for this, it wasn't anywhere near what it felt like to actually have it happen in front of him.

Her voice was soft, shaky almost. "I like you. I do. I just can't...I can't be with anyone. It's complicated."

 _Ouch._ That was not what was expected. Roman sputtered a little bit, obviously flustered at the confession. Or...lack thereof? It was more of an anti-confession. "Can you try to explain?" It was the least she could do. "Please?"

It took a little bit of time for her to compile her thoughts into one coherent sentence. "I can't say everything... Just know there is a lot of things that made relationships.. not something I'm interested in." A lot of thoughts were swarming Roman's head. There were a lot of things to think about. What did she mean? Why couldn't she talk to him? Sure he wasn't like the others in the group. He wasn't Noah or Cameron. He wasn't as close to her as Izzie or Faith.

He probably was just another guy in the background in comparison to Avery's other friends. He was overthinking already. "I don't understand." He was _definitely_ overthinking. He felt a low feeling of anger starting to bubble up. Why was he getting angry? Maybe because of the feelingless flirting that had happened between the two of them. The jokes that were made that sometimes felt too real. He was lead on, and that was the worst of any of the feelings.

"I didn't mean for it to get out of hand, I do this with everyone." Avery's words were not helping the anger pooling in the pit of his stomach. _Everyone, huh?_ In Roman's mind, he wasn't everyone. They were at least friends. He was sure that his anger was showing now, as Avery's hand reached over to land on top of his.

He flinched.

His hand instinctively flew up and away from Avery's touch. "Don't." His words were back to the sharpness that was there before. Avery was the one to flinch this time. "You lead me on, then." The words felt like a knife. For both Roman and Avery.

"We can fix this." She was trying. Roman gave her that. How was there a way to fix this anyway? She didn't want anything, and Roman wanted everything. There was no way to fix this. "I can..I can try."

 _What?_ That wasn't what Roman expected. "What do you mean?" He questioned, waiting for Avery to respond. Things would be much easier if he could read minds. She waited for a minute, gathering her thoughts before speaking again.

"I can't promise anything, but I can try... you know. Relationships." It was hard not to smile, but there was a pang of guilt in his chest.

Roman's stance softened. He didn't realize how tense he was. "I don't want to force this." Avery shook her head at his comment.

"It's not forcing anything. I like you. There's just... a lot of things that made it seem impossible for me to be with someone. Does that make sense?"

Of course, it made sense. It wasn't too far off from how Roman, himself was raised. In a place where relationships aren't anything more than flings on the weekends or physicality that you craved. He grew up with that. Even his parent's relationship...no, it wasn't a relationship. His parents...dynamic? Whatever it was. It wasn't normal. No relationships were normal in his family or near friends. Even his brother struggled with it. "I get it." His response was back to his softer tone.

He watches as Avery played with the ring on her middle finger. She was nervous. She always did that. "I can't promise anything, but this might work out anyways." The comment piqued his interest. What did she mean..?

"Elaborate?"

"This might make things a little easier with the whole bucket list thing."

**Author's Note:**

> support me here!  
> twitter.com/akiranova_


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